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May
18

Man Magnet: Not really, she did everything wrong from start to end!

By

I met some girl a few days ago and she tried to seduce me but she did everything wrong, it was interesting for me to observe, I will use this story to make a comment on calibration.
A very useful skill to develop. According to the selfhelpimprovement website :

Calibration is a communication skill which uses intuition. Without other people having to tell you, you develop a feeling of their intentions, beliefs and understanding. Knowing this will enable you to react appropriately to the situation. It is highly effective when relating with other people and deciding on what to do during a critical moment.

That girl lets call her , Clara, she unfortunately didn’t calibrate and made so many mishaps.
We met in a restaurant and because we smiled to each other, we started a discussion.
She seemed very interested in me. She said that she studied bio-chemistry but that now she try to pursue a career as a singer, she also told me that she is religious (Christian) , she works Saturday and Sunday in a church.

Clara tried to encourage me to take an interest in her religion, I told her that I have no interest in any religion. She continued on that path, she didn’t calibrate that what she was doing was counterproductive. I have nothing against religious people before that one I had a girlfriend who was a practising catholic, she never tried to sold me her beliefs or force them upon me , she asked me what I believe and we respected each other opinions.
Because, she didn’t try to convince me on anything, I didn’t feel annoyed to go at her church.
But that Clara lacked that intuition. She also asked me if I have a wife in another country, It was a strange question and I explained that I do not have a wife .

But, may be, she translated my answer as a signal that I’m free for someone like her.
Clara gave me a lot of compliments, she said that I m attractive and handsome, this is really a bad move from her. She had rather keep that for herself in that early stage.
I had to go and we agreed to see each other another day. She wanted to see me the next day but I pushed the date to a week. I was Ok to be her friend but not more than that.
During, our second meeting. She lost me for good as friend and as anything else.
I had things to buy so I went to a shop with her, there, I revealed to her that I’m planning trips in Portugal, Italy and Ireland for the coming summer season.
She said “I come with you!”
I answered “I d rather travel alone”

She was a bit disappointed as we walked to the next shop, she asked me about my lifestyle in my small town on the coast, I told her how it is, and I noticed that she could not really relate, she is a girl from the big city. She even didn’t like walking 10 minutes to the next shop, she asked me if I could help her to carry some of her garbage that she bought at Sfera (Spain clothes store chains). I told her to buy less garbage, she answered that she loves clothes. There is no way, I will ever travel with someone like this. When I travel, I mostly walk and I can walk an entire day with heavy backpack.

We discussed various thing then I told her that I had a talk with my mother the other day. She asked me if I talked about her to my mother, she also said that she would like to meet my mother.
Here again, she didn’t calibrate, she can’t see that I’m not interested in her the way she is interested in me. I have no reason to talk to my mother about her.
At the second shop, I went to look for a book about Portugal, there, she tried to hold me by the arm , very big gaffe. It sent me the signal that she was desperate for my attention.
I do not have much in common with that girl and we don’t have any chemistry, it was easy to calibrate that but she didn’t.

She had to leave and she asked me if she could spent sometimes at my place. I told her , she can come on a Saturday afternoon but then she has her church duty. We didn’t arrange anything.
She called me last Sunday, to ask if she could come at my place on Monday, I told her no. What she wants to do at my place anyway ? This aside, she had nothing to say to me, the conversation on the phone was very poor. So why should I invite someone who has nothing to say at my place. She said twice:
“I want to see, I want to see !” big big gaffe.
By now, It is game over for her, I can’t be her friend, because, she wants too much from me and I do not want more than a friendship but her behavior makes it impossible to have a healthy friendship.

If I had to recommend something to Clara that will be to learn about calibration and learn to not repeat all the gaffes she did.

I read a few chapters of the book “Man Magnet: How to Be the Best Woman You Can Be in Order to Get the Best Man” on the Google Book website. Most of her gaffes are in that book, this isn’t a perfect book and certainly not from an European cultural standpoint but it has some of the most common and universal gaffes to avoid. Acting desperate being the number one gaffe to avoid at any cost.

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    • tendou

      So, you mean many of the advice in this book are noty good? Is that so?

      And do you believe in attracting a specific person and do you plan to write on how to attract a specific person (moralities, free will and repercussion notwithstanding, just for experiment). With kind intent of course.

    • http://www.louisyagera.com Louis Yagera

      Well, some advices are Ok some are bad, I would read this book just to know about what to not do.
      In the near future I will discuss about attracting a specific person.

    • Natalie

      Hi Louis

      I found your blog recently and have enjoyed reading a bit about so many of the same topics that interest me. I found this particular article interesting and wanted to reflect a couple of things:

      It sounds to me that you and this girl are in different places on your journeys, but I wondered if you had been compassionately authentic with her while you were hanging out? What I mean is, just being straight with her about what you were experiencing in relation to her questions or actions that made you feel uncomfortable. In my experience, sometimes only being half truthful with someone so you don’t hurt their feelings (taking responsibility for their process) or avoid feeling uncomfortable in the moment distorts the energies for both people so that past programmes get triggered and its difficult to truly calibrate and see what part of the dynamic you are responsible for.

      I also wanted to reflect that, however hard it can be to swallow, everyone and everything that shows up in our reality is a reflection of something within us; As Within So Without. :-) Perhaps she is a teacher to show you a part of yourself that is willing to be owned and healed at this point in time?

      Have you worked with Ho’oponopono? I’ve found it very humbling and completely liberating.

      I hope to come back and chat again soon. :-)