Feb

Your constant thoughts form your reality

Story about the limiting belief : Interesting people are always taken

Nowadays, many women and men share a limiting belief about people availability. In men it often takes the form of the belief : Interesting or hot or beautiful women are always taken.
With women it often likes “Good guys or real men are always taken” or the worse form “Nowadays there is no longer any real men or good guys”. Sometime it has an age element a belief that younger is better or only the younger can secure an interesting man. Men have also something like this in the belief that to secure a so-called particularly beautiful or hot woman, a man needs to be rich or famous. Those are just belief systems. People with such beliefs create a reality that don’t serve them well and constantly reinforce it with their constant thoughts. It is a vicious circle because often they try to escape that belief system to only reinforce it, they will try to look for an interesting person that is single to only find out that the person is taken. It is not possible to be greater than your belief system, you do not create what you want, you create what you believe.
I have a story that illustrate this defeating strategy perfectly.
Two years ago, I met a woman that I nickname here Clarisse, I was still living in Belgium, Clarisse was interested in me and she asked me if I was single, I told her I was single.
Then she didn’t believe it, she said I must have someone somewhere. It telegraphed to me that Clarisse was quite insecure this turned me off. She had that belief that the people she is attracted to are taken and unavailable, She also believed that younger women were better than her. One time she saw my photostream on Flickr and she commented that I’m mostly with younger girls than her. In fact, she only focused on the pictures were I’m with younger folks and sometime also the folks that are my age look younger.
If you see the picture with my friends from Madrid , you will think that we are all in the mid-20’s when we are all older than that.
At some point, she proposed we do something together. She invited me to spend a week end in the countryside somewhere in the middle of France. However, at the last minute she spoiled it, she cancelled. At that point, I understood she has a defeating belief she did not allow her to get what she wanted because she believed it was not possible. Here, I lost complete interest in Clarisse. Two months passed before I heard from her again she contacted me and she proposed we do something together and we try to build something together from a clean slate however, it was too late for Clarisse because I met someone and that someone was one year older than me. I told Clarisse I was with someone I cannot go with her anymore, Clarisse then vanished for like a year. Then I heard again from her during the summer 08, she asked news about me, may be, in the hope that I was single again. I told her I was with someone but this time she went to check my photostream and at the time the last pictures were the one with my current girlfriend. She noticed that my girlfriend is 10 years younger than her. This makes her belief fulfilled with military level clockwork precision.

1 – when I had an older girlfriend , she didn’t see , she ignored that information
2 – when I was single she sabotaged ALL the opportunities to get to know each other better.
3 – when I went with a younger girlfriend , she saw her.

She used her limiting beliefs as a filter to shape her reality and reinforce it. It was a drama for her to experience and for me to observe and learn from.
You see if an area of your life isn’t working, it is because you have a limiting belief in that area. If you happen to tell to yourself “It doesn’t work” do not look for something on the outside but look inside.

It is why it is important to be an observer because by observing it will be very apparent to you that you are not attempting to change your beliefs but you are reinforcing them all the time. Look at your inner dialogue for a solid day and see how incredible amount of time you are focusing upon reinforcing your condition.

If you want to change you will have to build new beliefs and reinforce them. This is very easy if you use visualisation and affirmations the trick is to not debate or doubt the new beliefs by using the old ones to filter them. That’s why early in the morning or when you wake up is a great time to implement new beliefs, you can use 10 minutes in the morning to do that, after you will be too busy in your daily activity to sabotage the work you did in the morning. Most people will start to see change if they keep that routine after at least 30 days. Also sometime it will be necessary to adjust the affirmation. For instance someone may start to implement the belief “I attract my perfect lover” but have a strong feeling of self-worthlessness then it will be necessary to take that into account and change the belief into “I’m a worthy person and I attract my perfect lover” or “Because, I’m a worthy person, I attract my perfect lover”.

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Categories : Relationship, Self-Acceptance

ally

thank you louis for your work. it is important to read that. i might be “another” clarisse. i have limiting believes concerning love and i suffer from it a lot. i know what my limiting believes are. i just can`t seam to get rid of them and that is tearing me apart. i am so down about that. i am now into eft but i don`t know if it will work. any solusions to my problem? please contact me on my e-mail.
http://www.louisyagera.com Louis Yagera

Ally,To maximize your chance with EFT I suggest that you join the official EFT forum, it is packed with experts on just about any topics.

http://www.emofree.com/forum_landing.htm

There is also this article on the emofree website that may be of interest to you or anyone which such “Clarisse”.like issues.

There’s a seemingly never-ending supply of books about dating and relationships presenting the reader with what the author claims to be the exact way to land a man or to get that girl. Some of them present valid points and sound advice, but there are some very popular ones claiming that the object of our affections either isn’t aware of their true feelings, or they have some problem that keeps them from what they truly want. And it’s up to the reader to figure out how to manipulate them into a lasting, loving relationship.

Particularly worrisome are the tomes citing that men in their late thirties or forties have been single for so long, there “must be a reason”. My female clients who are 30-plus, frequently mention it at least once when we are working on their relationship issues. After all … if a man who is successful and has built up some kind of financial stability and isn’t married … he’s either selfish or unable to truly connect in love … right? Well, I, for one, don’t agree with this theory.

Rachel had been working on career issues with great success using EFT to clear away some painful and confusing emotions and patterns relating to such things as why she wasn’t further ahead with her job. As it turned out, she was truly happy with her choice of career, but lately the pain of not having found true love was tainting everything in her life.

She’s a bright woman in her late thirties, very attractive and has a very caring attitude and longs for the day when she can give all her love to a deserving man and their children. She thought she’d have found her love long before this, and was beginning to fear the worst. After her last breakup, she’d poured herself into her work.

Secretly she had felt and hoped that Bob would return to her when he was “ready”. She was sure he had truly loved her and wanted all the things they spoke about having together. Rachel told me that she had indeed found the man of her dreams, but Bob had been going through some difficult career issues and he was just as devastated as she when they “had” to break up. She was calm, but sad.

She referred to several books she’d read that Bob was just as wronged as she; his heart broken too. She added that these “poor men” have a lot of “stuck energy” and pain from their childhoods, making them unable to commit. Rachel – like so very many of my female clients looking for love, only wanted to help heal them.

As we balanced Rachel’s energy with EFT and cleared some of the outer layers of this most recent painful relationship and breakup, she began to see a pattern emerging and it was one she didn’t like at all. Rachel found that while she had enjoyed a few loving relationships for the moment, she had always jumped the gun with her feelings telling herself this one or that really wanted to create a life with her, when his actions had always shown otherwise. We cleared such things as:

Even though I’m so sad that here I am in my late thirties and I have all these false ideas about relationships…

Even though I have always felt that women are more in touch with their emotions than men, therefore men don’t really understand what they are feeling…

Even though I bought into the wrong idea of what makes true love, and now I’ve lost a huge chunk of my life and reproductive years to hoping when there was no real relationship…

Clearly some of these issues are really painful and although Rachel had watched her career issues collapse quickly and easily, she was still surprised to find how easily and quickly some of this long-held and deep pain, as well as the underlying beliefs just melted away. In fact, Rachel found herself giggling or smirking and rolling her eyes. At one point she said “Oh for God’s sake, what on earth are we women thinking! Bob just wasn’t ready or right for me!”

Rachel finally came to see the truth that while we all have stuck energy, and yes, sometimes men who haven’t been able to commit have stuck energy around relationships and commitment. It just is not true that all men over a certain age are desperately seeking someone to heal their wounded hearts. Each person is an individual case, but often when a man hasn’t committed it is simply because they haven’t found their true love, yet. Rachel began to see the light and continued to clear such issues as:

* Until such time as actions are congruent with words of love and commitment, one simply can’t assume that the commitment is coming.
* One cannot assume that the commitment would be there if only the woman could help the man clear the painful blocks he has keeping them both so unhappy.
* Just because one party is completely engulfed in overwhelming feelings of love and commitment, doesn’t mean the other person is too.
* It is not a given that when one party is grief stricken and unable to heal from a painful breakup, the other party is also heartbroken and yearning to reunite to heal both their hearts.

GC COMMENT: Note that these issues are globally stated. While they appear to provide great benefits, it may be useful to narrow these down to the specific events underlying them.

Rachel concluded that while she had a high sense of self-worth and confidence, she had been hindered by a system of beliefs about men and their inability to communicate and engage in relationships. She did have some personal issues to clear and work on, but mostly she just needed to work on having healthy ideas about relating to men.

In Rachel’s words, no longer would she tell herself that even though he quacked like and acted like a duck he must be a swan. She would no longer assume anything. Instead, with a clear and present heart, she will be watching out for the moment when the potential object of her affections walks, talks and consistently acts like the sturdy, steady, clear and present duck she wants. And she no longer desires a fixer-upper duck that she can turn into a swan.

In the meantime, she’s enjoying a fun-filled dating life, and she’s once again happy at work – tapping on anything that gets in the way of her peaceful, abundant enjoyment of life.

Who knew when you set out to help veterans, Gary that you’d also be providing the tools to heal wounded veterans of the painful conflicts single people everywhere experience in seeking to find their true love! From us all, we thank you for giving us back our whole and happy hearts, which of course is the only place from which we can ever hope to create a truly loving, respectful and mutually beneficial relationship.

In Living Harmony,

Cathleen
http://www.emofree.com/Articles2/relationships-cathleen.htm
http://quantumsuccess.net Jules

Great article. I think the subject of love brings out many of people’s limiting beliefs. Fear of failure in love can be a great fear indeed.